


Shadows

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5892814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus and Sirius talk, shag and generally act angst-ish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

I close the book I was reading with a sigh. A quick glance at the muggle clock on the opposite wall tells me it's almost ten p.m. and Sirius still isn't here, even though he promised he'll be back before dark. I hate it when Sirius is late, it's just that in time like this I can't avoid the fear that, again, Sirius might not return. 

It was bad enough when I lost him in the first time, it took Sirius twelve years to return and even by that time I still hadn't recovered from the loss of him. Now he's back, different, but still my Sirius. Still my beloved mischievous friend; as hot-tempered and loyal as he always was. But indeed he has changed, twelve years in Azkaban have that kind of effect on people; he became silent, less eager and, to my displeasure, colder. Maybe it's what bothers me most, that even after we've talked about our feelings and agreed to try our best to make the relationship work this time Sirius still hasn't touched me, not in the way I want to be touched. 

I can wait, I've waited twelve years, what a few more months are, but it bothers me. But that doesn't matter now, all Sirius needs is time, I'm sure of it. Everything will come to its place in time. What does matter is that Sirius isn't here, that he can be anywhere and I can't even bloody look for him. It's raining since morning and Sirius is probably soaked by now, he can be cold, or even hurt, and I can't go and look for him. After all one couldn't go around and ask people if they've seen an escaped convict wandering in the area. 

I stand up and go to the window, I'm looking at the darkness through the drops of rain that gathered on the window. Maybe I should go look for him anyway... And then I see something moving near the balcony. I look again, but there's nothing there now, only darkness. But a werewolf is not fooled easily, whoever it was, and I'm sure there was somewhere there, he knows how to hide. I take my wand in one hand and an umbrella in the other and go out of the house. I take two steps forward and stop, trying to see what's in front of me. 

"It's cold, you should've wore a sweater." 

A voice sounds and I jump in surprise. But I recognize it. 

"Sirius?" I ask quietly. 

"I'm here, Moony, on the steps." 

Sirius answers tenderly. I can't help but wonder how long he's been here. I move forward to the steps of the balcony and finally notice my Sirius. He's sitting on the first step, his back to me, and the rain falls on him. The sight is ridiculously romantic and I suppress a smile while putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"You're wet." I say quietly, trying not to sound concerned, he hates that. "Come inside." 

Sirius looks around his shoulder and our eyes met. All I can see in my mate's eyes are despair and sorrow, it seemed they are almost empty. And it frightens me immensely, but I won't let him know. He might think he's the one I'm afraid off. 

"I don't mind." Sirius whispers and his head turns away from me again. 

"I do." I try to smile. And fail miserably. "Please, at least take my umbrella." 

I bend and try to shove it into Sirius's hands, but he shakes his head. 

"No, you'll catch a cold." He says simply as if my health is more important. 

How dare he to say this while sitting under the purring rain for... God, he is soaked, how long has he been here?! Sirius keeps sitting on the steps, looking at the blackness before us and I stand behind him, trying to move my umbrella in a way that it will cover us both.

"Why haven't you come in?" I asked. Sirius shrugs again. 

"I needed to think." 

"About what?" I ask, moving to sit beside Sirius. 

"About how fucked up I am." Sirius answers grimly and then looks at me. 

"Don't sit here, it's wet." 

I frown. "Either I sit here or we walk into the balcony." 

Sirius looks up, studying my' (meant to be stubborn) expression and sighs. 

"Fine, I'll move to the balcony." 

Threats- this is probably the only way to make Sirius do something he doesn't want. We go into the balcony and I gesture for Sirius to sit in the only armchair on it, surprisingly, he does so without protest. I bend down, and even though Sirius is totally wet, I put his hands gently on his knees and lay my chin on them so I can look up at Sirius. 

"Sirius, you are not fucked up." I say seriously. So much for tactic. 

"You have issues, like everyone else, and you have been through more than anyone I've known. You should be proud of yourself, and believe me, everything will be fine." I tilt my head playfully. "You've got me to help you." 

Sirius shakes his head. "I love you, Moony, I always will, but..." He sighs deeply. "Sometimes I can't help but think I'm only making it harder on you." 

"Nonsense." I smile, and I think it looks like a real one this time. "I'm happier than I've ever been in the last fifteen years." 

"Remus..." Sirius smiles sadly, stroking gently my hair. "I'm a wrack. And all the power I do have goes to the effort of keeping Harry safe. I..." 

He closes his eyes and I wish to do the same, his touch is so incredible, I almost purr, that is before I hear what he says next. 

"I can't give you what you need." 

"I can wait, Sirius." I say, putting my hand on Sirius' wet one. "Us can wait until the war is over and then, when Harry will be safe and your name will be cleared, we would be able to give each other exactly what we need." 

Sirius gives a little sound I suppose is sob, but still doesn't open his eyes. His face is wet, and I have a difficulty to see in the darkness whether those are tears falling down his face or just rain drops. 

"We haven't even been together yet." Sirius says, still stroking my hair. "What if..." 

I stare at Sirius, my heart racing. Sirius is afraid? Afraid that I wouldn't want him anymore, wouldn't desire him? This means he isn't simply cold, that he still desires me... He can be such an imbecile sometimes, though I can't help but grin. 

"Sirius." I laugh, and he opens his eyes at the sound. "I've never met someone as sexy or as titillating as you, I'm sure that whenever we will get to it, it will be amazing, just like it used to be." 

"That's just it." Sirius sighs. "I'm not sure it can be like it used to. Any of it." 

I shake my head. "You're incredible." I whispered and he really is, looking at me with such sadness, refusing to realize how much I want him, need him. How much I am devoted to him. The hell with sex, it's not what matters, not in the life-lasting bond between Sirius and me. But then, when an opportunity comes, one should not waist it and so I lift my head up to press my lips over Sirius'. 

Sirius kisses back, his hand pressing my head closer and our lips crush in a sweet dance. He runs his wet tongue on my lips and I can't help but open them obediently, I can't describe how exited I am, not only because of the lingering kiss but also because Sirius is not only cooperative, but also initiating. We kissed each other franticly, exploring the other's mouth. In this moment, during this kiss, I feel so connected to Sirius, more than I've ever been in the last two years. I taste the familiar and yet new taste of Sirius' mouth, and I know that this is right, that this is what we both longed for. And, oh god, he is wet. 

I draw away from the kiss, breathing heavily, and look at my mate. Sirius is having a difficulty to maintain breathing as well, and he just stares at me, his eyes burning with lust. I feel like growling, or laughing, or just throwing myself at him, if I still haven't. 

"I want you." He whispers suddenly, staring into my eyes. "Now."


End file.
